How is my fantasy book so far?

Capitalize Pip's name. Don't be repetitive (i.e. quit using the adjective "drunken") Change we going to we're going. Capitalize the w on "why" and add a "t" to the end of thought. Have a period instead of a comma after "that easily" Have the "a", in "a pub" be lowercase, and right before that have the comma be a ";" because you're listing a bunch of stuff. Also, last sentence, is that supposed to be "a few houses cut out of mushrooms" instead of "into mushrooms"? Well, hope all this helps.